


Phantom Pains

by insufferablybeca



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Mutually Unrequited, Past Character Death, Pitch Perfect - Freeform, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24082066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insufferablybeca/pseuds/insufferablybeca
Summary: Nine months after Beca’s tragic death in a car accident, Chloe opens her computer.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 7
Kudos: 54





	Phantom Pains

It had only been six months and Chloe already didn’t want to think about her.

She thought about burning the albums but she only ended up sobbing on her garage floor, lighter in hand, leaning over the pictures and wondering why she ever thought she’d be strong enough to do this.

She’d skipped the funeral and watched Netflix. Aubrey had given a heartfelt speech, completely expressionless, according to the Bellas. They thought it was a bit disconcerting, but it made sense to Chloe. Aubrey made sense to Chloe.

Beca had never made sense to Chloe.

Fat Amy had told jokes during her speech, and Chloe thought about leaning on Aubrey’s shoulder and crying and laughing, and she imagined Beca smiling and leaning on her shoulder and holding her hand.

She imagined kissing Beca after the funeral, for real this time.

Beca kissed her once before the crash, on a dare. When they were done she’d wrinkled up her nose and smiled a bit, and squeezed Chloe’s hand.

They never talked about it. Chloe didn’t know what she’d say.

But none of that mattered.

She didn’t need to kiss Beca, or marry Beca, or die with Beca.

She just needed to hold Beca’s hand again.

Kimmy Jin was at her door. She was holding a laptop. Chloe immediately recognized it.

“I found this under her bed.” Kimmy Jin winced.

Chloe nodded and took the laptop, to spare the conversation.

Kimmy Jin, she knew, wouldn’t pretend to feel sad, and that was worse.

Chloe opened the laptop three weeks later, at 1am. It was password-protected. She clicked for a hint. It said “nice try Chloe.”  
She closed the laptop and went to sleep.

Three months later Kimmy Jin moved. She asked Chloe, Jesse, and Aubrey if they wanted to look through the apartment one again. Jesse and Chloe showed up. Aubrey was otherwise occupied.

Chloe didn’t find anything until she upturned the mattress. It concealed a stray hair and a piece of paper, inscribed with 7 numbers.  
Chloe typed in the password when she got back to her apartment. It was correct. She swallowed something empty.

The computer fired up, and Beca’s background photo came into full view.

Chloe…

Chloe remembered that day.

_The Bellas were hiking. Aubrey had proposed the activity as a team bonding exercise, to much protest from pretty much everyone, save Chloe, Emily, and Stacie._

_They had, of course, been coerced into it, through a variety of methods. Fat Amy was promised freedom of choice for one of the songs in their upcoming set. Flo made everyone promise to let her complain liberally throughout the hike. Chloe just had to drape over Beca and whine “pleeeease” in her ear for her to agree._

_Regardless, they arrived at the summit, after hours of arduous work. They all made their way to the viewpoint, except Beca, who insisted it was simply that she wasn’t interested in the view. (Not that the height scared her!) Chloe gazed out at the swooping foothills laden with life that faded into rocks and snow and sharp cliffs. Far below, a hawk swooped through the trees, which was disconcerting to Chloe. She started to daze off, eyes flickering to the sky, where the sun had begun to set._  
_Without warning, Fat Amy announced, “I need to use the loo!” and began barging down the hill at alarming speed. It served to interrupt the picturesque scene, and Aubrey rolled her eyes and started at a shockingly abrupt pace after Amy. Gradually the other Bellas followed, but Chloe stayed on the hill._

_Just for a minute._

_She thought she was alone._

_But when she turned around Beca was standing there, iPhone in hand, clearly having just taken a picture. Beca’s cheeks flushed, and she stared at the ground. Chloe smiled, and Beca wrinkled her nose and smiled back. Then Chloe grabbed her hand and ran with her, and the moment was over and they were a blur of laughter and annoyance again and it felt like the universe had skipped a breath._

_This was the picture:_

It was Chloe’s silhouette, against a sky just beginning to taste the pink of a later time. The light wasn’t so bright that she was clearly visible, but there were bits of color here and there. The blue of her jeans, the lightest tinge of red in the spare strands of her hair that flickered in the light breeze.

Chloe buried her face in her hands, and stayed there for a while. It was safer. Her little coffin, away from Beca.

Beca was everywhere now.

When she’d stared into nothing for enough time, she opened Beca’s folder, titled Mixes. She is met with an assortment of sub folders, with titles such as _Set List_ , _Pop_ , and _Chloe_.

Chloe looked at the ceiling and took a long breath, before clicking twice, quickly. The laptop loaded slowly, because it wasn’t a newer model, it’d been nine months, it wasn’t a newer model.

There were three audio clips and a video clip under the subfolder labeled _Chloe_. Chloe clicked on the first audio clip, and stared at the audio icon, barely grey against the darkness of the screen. Chloe closed her eyes for a minute or two, time is relative, a minute or two. Then she opened them and pressed play.

The music started with the languid tunes of “Can’t Help Falling in Love with You,” but with a fast, high pitched bass. The quieter parts gave way to “we fell in love in october.” Chloe closed her eyes and listened, imagining Beca’s fingers on the keyboard, flickering around with commitment. She imagined the blissful look on Beca’s face, and she closed her eyes and could almost feel Beca’s face between her hands.

Did Beca love her?

The next medley began with “Perfect”, one of Chloe’s favorite songs, which Beca had ardently insisted she hated. It was intricately mashed with “Girls Like Girls” and “Marry You” and Chloe didn’t know how but she felt her heart pulse and the glimpse of a smile on her face.

She clicked play on the next mashup, holding her breath.

Everything froze at the first note of “Titanium.” Chloe’s heart, her smile, her gaze. She could only hear those beginning notes, echoing in her ears. They were played softly, on a piano, and above them echoed a voice.  
Beca.

She sang, so much softer than the song called for, and she paused sometimes, to giggle (Beca giggled?) and breathe.

Chloe couldn’t breathe.

The last attachment was a video of Beca. She was leaning over her desk at work, half a smile on her face. Chloe choked back something in her throat she hadn’t realized was there, and pressed play.

“Uh, hey Chlo. I’m at work. I just wanted to say—” She laughed. “I really like you.” She paused, then shook her head. “This is not going to wor—”

The video ended abruptly, with Chloe’s head swarming.

She touched her finger to her cheek, and it came back ever so slightly damp. Chloe couldn’t feel the tears on her face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is welcome and appreciated.  
> Songs referenced in this fic:  
> Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley  
> we fell in love in october by girl in red  
> Perfect by Ed Sheeran  
> Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko  
> Marry You by Bruno Mars  
> Titanium by David Guetta


End file.
